More Love: Bringing Up Polyamory, Swinging & Opening Up Your Relationship

open marriage couple

A Guest Blog Post By Sex Coach Lex

So, you know a couple people who are swinging and into “the Lifestyle”. And you’ve heard about this thing called “polyamory” or “non-monogamy”. Maybe you’ve even done some digging to figure out what it is. Now after a little bit of soul searching, you’ve decided that it’s something you want to try. There’s just one thing. You’re not single, you’re in a relationship already. Broaching this subject can bring up a lot of feelings for the both of you. So how do you approach discussing your interest in non-monogamy with your partner?

Introducing the Difficult Conversation Formula

This formula was put together by Reid Mihalko and I use it often with my clients (or I will create a variation from it that applies to their specific situation). There are three parts to the difficult conversation formula you need to put together on your own before you make the approach.

1. What I’m trying to tell you is . . .

First fill in, “What I’m trying to tell you is…” In this case, you’re trying to share that you are interested in non-monogamy and would like to know how your partner feels about that, or if they are also interested in exploring that topic with you. Make sure to find what your intention truly is and put it in your own words. After all, they’re your partner, not mine.

2. What I’m afraid might happen . . .

Second, answer “what I’m afraid might happen if I tell you is…” There’s a reason, or likely several, why you have been holding back from having this conversation. Be honest. Take the time to be vulnerable. One of the cornerstones of committed relationships is being able to be vulnerable with one another.

3. What I’d like to have happen . . .

Finally, answer “What I’d like to have happen by saying this is…” Here is where we find hope and motivation. What’s the best-case scenario? On the most fundamental level all difficult conversations are about being seen, being understood or understanding one another, and growth. For you it may be that you would like your partner to see that this in no way negates your commitment to them, or that they may see this a way for you to both grow. Again, you are sharing your truth so make sure to put it in your words.

Putting it all together

Now for actually making the approach. Begin by asking your partner if they have the emotional bandwidth for a difficult conversation. If yes, proceed. If no, schedule some time to have that talk. Once you have the go ahead, begin by letting them know that there is something that you have been wanting to talk to them about. Then, use your responses to the second question to let them know why you’ve been afraid to talk about this. Follow that up with your response to the third question to let them know what you are hoping their response will be like. Finally let them know what you have been wanting to talk about.

Once you have finished, make sure to thank your partner for listening and ask if they have anything to share in response. 

Special Considerations for Non-Monogamy Intentions

For the sake of this article I have assumed that you aren’t interested in opening up for the wrong reasons. While there is no one right reason to engage in non-monogamy, there are several wrong reasons and I’d like to rule out one in particular.

I think the most common mistake may be thinking that opening up a relationship can fix problems that a relationship already has. Non-monogamy is not a salve for relationship troubles. According to Dr. Elizabeth Sheff, who has done multi-year long research studies on polyamory in families and relationships, while a few people may have saved their marriages with polyamory, it is extremely rare. Polyamory, and non-monogamy in general, has a tendency to exacerbate and bring out any troubles that already exist in relationships. It’s like clicking the fast-forward button on your relationship. You probably would have dealt with these issues 10 years from now, but instead you get to deal with them all in the first year of your relationship. Hurray!

Your Partner’s Reactions

If you have been researching this for a while, remember that your feelings about non-monogamy are not new and your knowledge about it is likely to be much greater than your partner’s. As a result, your partner’s reaction might be much stronger than you expected. That’s because for them, this is coming out of the blue. They may also have a lot of negative (or toxic) ideas about how relationships “ought” to be, and that if you want to explore something outside of your own relationship, there must be something wrong inside it. The most important thing is to assure them that this is not about them. Your interest in exploring this is about your own growth and not a response to them doing something wrong. Also, that it is not about something being wrong with the relationship.

Be prepared to hear some bad news. You might find out that your partner actually does have some problem with the relationship you are in, or that something you did has made them lose trust in you (Remember how I told you polyamory is like clicking fast-forward on your relationship troubles?). You wrote down your fears for a reason, and even the most well-crafted and well-delivered messages can be received in ways completely unrelated to your intentions. This isn’t exclusive to non-monogamy in any form. Any difficult conversation can be a test of your relationship.

What’s next? Don’t Rush

Let’s say that your conversation does go well, what’s next? Don’t rush things. You won’t be going on dates tomorrow. There is a lot more for both of you to learn and work through before actively engaging in non-monogamy. Depending on where you begin, it might be a couple of months until you are ready, or as much as a year before you are ready. If you are in this relationship for the long haul, then that time invested is a drop in the bucket. And even if you end up finding out non-monogamy isn’t right for you, the skills required for exploring diverse relationship structures are a huge boost to any relationship.

A Note On Terms: Non-Monogamy, Polyamory and Swinging

Various forms of non-monogamy have been discussed media lately. More specifically you probably heard about polyamory, swinging, or open relationships. While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging* (and there are countless other arrangements if you really like labels) are all different forms of non-monogamy they all have one thing in common.

All forms of non-monogamy (the umbrella term) change out our societal default idea of a romantic and sexual relationship being limited to only two people, for one where more than two people can be involved. Putting it that way may make it sound simple, but the impact of questioning something that a person has never even considered possible to question can be revolutionary. It is also destabilizing, which can be scary to navigate.

* Polyamory and swinging are particularly different as the communities that have formed around them have very different core values.

About Sex Coach Lex

sex coach lex

Coach Lex is the founder of SCL Coaching and Consulting, LLC. He is a WASC certified sex coach who specializes in sexual communication in order to create a world where people can speak about sex as comfortably as they speak about breakfast. His work includes individuals, couples, and the polyamorous community, as well as the LGBT and kink communities (GSRD groups). Lex facilitates groups, workshops, and works with clients worldwide.

Coach Lex publishes a weekly blog on his website sexcoachlex.com known as The Bad Sex Advice Blog, where he deconstructs bad sex advice and sex myths, explains what makes them bad, and what you can do instead.

Find Lex On
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SexCoachLex

Twitter: https://twitter.com/sexcoachlex

Website: www.SexCoachLex.com


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Love In All Its Forms: Poly, Swing, Kink and More

An Alternative Relationship Terms Primer

“Is [ENCLOSED] mostly men sending kinky gifts to their mistresses?”

submissive style lingerie The simple answer is . . . sometimes. But the more robust answer is, the diversity of Enclosed customers is wonderfully broad. The majority of our customers are straight men sending gifts to their wives or girlfriends, but as we’ve learned from our customers, there are many other manifestations of love. From the polyamorous to the kinksters, swingers to downright vanillas, many groups have embraced [ENCLOSED]’s message of sex-positive luxury lingerie gifting.

Sex Positive

We don’t claim to be experts on all the types of relationships we mention here. But we do celebrate love, romance and sex amongst consenting adults. Sexuality is part of the human experience and it’s our hope to create an environment that is non-judgmental, balanced, and open-minded. Therefore, in an effort to start a sex-positive conversation with and better serve our customers, we’ve boned-up(!) on the overlapping worlds of swing, poly and kink. Here’s our starting point; a work-in-progress primer.

Comments, Links & Kinks Welcome

We invite you to add your comments below . . .

Sex-Positive Relationship Terms & Definitions

To start any clear conversation, it’s helpful to clarify the terms.

24/7 – An agreement whereby there is consensual power exchange full time; 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Abundant Love – The concept that love is not finite therefore it is possible to love more than one person at the same time. As defined by polyamorous author, Franklin Veaux.

Alternative Sexuality – An umbrella term for non-traditional sexual orientation, non-monogamy, gender and sexual expression such as kink or BDSM.

BDSM – An abbreviation containing within it three unique acronyms: B&D which stands for Bondage & Discipline, D/s which stands for Dominance & submission, and S&M or Sadism and Masochism. Together, BDSM represents a full spectrum of sexual activities and relationship models. As explained by Stefani Goerlich, LMSW.

Bi-Curious – A man or woman who is interested in trying same-sex activities.

Bipoly – Refers to a person who is polyamorous and bisexual

Sexy lace-up Black Teddy GiftBisexual – Interested in both sexes. The terms “versatile” and “AC/DC” are also used in this same way.

Casual Sex – Sexual activity that takes places outside a romantic relationship and implies an absence of commitment, emotional attachment, or familiarity between sexual partners (i.e. The one-night stand).

CBT – Refers to cock and ball torture.

Closed Swinging – This is where partners swap, but have sexual intercourse in separate rooms.

Compersion – The opposite of jealousy. The act of having a good feeling when one’s partner enjoys sex/ desire with another partner. The term was coined by Kerista Commune.

Consensual Nonmonogamy – An umbrella term for polyamory, open relationships, swinging and other consensual non-monogamous relationships. See ethical nonmonogamy.

Cuckolding – This term can be used several different ways. Historically it referred to the husband of a wife who cheats, and often carried some fairly racist connotations. Now it can indicate a husband whose wife plays without him then comes home to tell him about it. It can also mean a husband who wants to or is forced to watch his wife play with others- sometimes while being told how much better the other man is at pleasing his wife than he is.

Daddy Dom/Mommy Dom – A Dominant whose dominance comes out through paternal/maternal expressions. Sometimes referred to as a “Gentle Dom/me.”

black lace blindfold giftDiscipline – These are disciplinary actions which arouse the sexual desires by controlling the behavior. Often involving rules, restrictions (of behavior or movement), and other limitations imposed by one partner on another; it can also include consequences up to and including physical punishment when these are not followed. As explained by Stefani Goerlich, LMSW.

Dominant – A person who exercises control and authority over their partner. Contrast with submissive.

DP – Stands for double penetration.

Edge Play – Any practice which challenges the limits or boundaries (emotionally, physically, and/or psychologically) of one or more of the participants. Can also refer to sexual activity involving actual sharp edges such as blades or sharp objects. From The Submissive Guide.

Ellis – A code name used to identify other swingers. Ellis stands for L.S. or Lifestyle. Thus, “Are you a friend of Ellis?” can be used to identify a member of the lifestyle without compromising confidentiality.

Enthusiastic Consent – All parties involved don’t just say yes to consent but say, “hell yes” i.e. with enthusiasm.

Ethical- Polyamory or Ethical Non-Monogamy – A form of non-monogamy in which every person involved understands and has agreed to non-monogamy. As explained by Sex Educator, Angel Kalafatis.

Figging – Placing a piece of raw, peeled ginger into someone’s anus and/or vagina. This creates a warm, burning sensation that some people find erotic and/ or painful. Also called gingering.

Generous – One code used to indicate when someone is willing to exchange money for sex.

Hanky Code – A traditional form of signaling what your sexual preferences and interests are, typically used among gay men. See the meaning of all the different color codes here.

Hard Swap or full swap – A situation in which two or more couples are free to enjoy nearly all types of sexual activities with other couples, including penetrative sex. From (a source we love), Kinkly.

Hard Swing – A swing party where sexual interaction is assumed and expected.

Impact Play – Refers to hitting or spanking a partner’s body, either with the hand or with an implement such as wooden spoon, crop, or flogger.

feather handcuffs sexy accessoryKink – A broad umbrella term for people with a fetish or fetishes that are perceived as abnormal to the public. Dr. Liz Powell, a kink-friendly sex therapist says, “Kink is used as a larger term to indicate anything that is not sort of run of the mill interaction,” This can include a huge range of practices from biting, bondage, BDSM, spanking, cuckolding. The kink communities have some overlap with, but are not synonymous with, polyamory.

Little Girl/Boy – A submissive whose expression takes the form of childlike tropes such as pastel colors, toys, and role playing a younger persona. This practice is entirely distinct from and has nothing to do with the sexualization of children. It focuses on submission through embracing innocence.

Love outside the box – Refers to sex positivism and polyamory or “relationships that go beyond the norm in some way, in gender, number, expression, or style.” By Dawn Davidson, of Love Outside The Box.

Masochist – Someone who derives sexual pleasure out of receiving pain, intense sensation, or emotional humiliation. Note, not all dominants identify as sadists, and not all submissive identify as masochists.

Mistress – Typically known as an extramarital lover (female), but also defined as a woman in a position of authority or control. A female Dominant may be referred to as “Mistress” by her submissive.

Monogamish – A term coined by Dan Savage to mean “not totally monogamous relationship”. Monogamish relationships assume that parties have mutual consent as opposed to non-consent which would be infidelity.

Monogamy – The state or practice of having only one sexual partner at a time.

Moresomes – A sexual encounter with more than three people.

purple sexy crotchless harness gift setNew Paradigm Relating – “A way of loving, or a set of parameters for doing relationships” where “Love is treated as a free gift rather than as a claim.” From Vonn New’s article “New Paradigm Relationships.”  Does not inherently correlate with polyamory but there is overlap.

New Relationship Energy or NRE – The passionate spark or excited state of mind that one feels from a new relationship typically involving sexual feelings and excitement. Usually lasts a few weeks to a few months after entering into the relationship.

Nonconsensual Non-Monogamy – In simple terms, cheating or adultery.

Omnisexual – To address hostility to people who self-identify as bisexual, the term omnisexual has started to become popular as a synonym for bisexual but without the negative connotations of the word. From More Than Two.

One Penis Policy – Whereby the man is allowed to have many sexual female partners, but the women may not have sex with other men.

One Vagina Policy – The One Penis Policy in reverse. Whereby the woman is allowed to have many sexual male partners, but the man may not have sex with other women.

Open Relationship or Open Marriage – An agreement that each partner can have sex with other people, under various conditions and with specific limitations. According to sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman.

Open Swinging – This kind of swinging allows partners to swap and have sexual intercourse in the same room, or bed.

Orgasm Control – A technique where you build yourself (or your partner) up to the point of orgasm without climaxing, then you stop. Sometimes also called ‘edging’ but not the same as ‘edge play’ (see definition above). From The ABCs of Kink.

Orgasm Denial – A form of Discipline and Dominance in which the receiving partner is not allowed to climax during sexual activity. This restriction may last for one encounter, be time limited (no orgasms for one week) or in some cases be a permanent relationship rule.

Orgy – A party which involves unrestrained indulgence, especially in sexual activity.

clandestine sexy adult lingerieParty Clothes/ Party Clothing – Clothing intended to be worn during events such as swing parties, public dungeons, or some private poly meet-ups. This often includes robes, lingerie, or other clothing that is likely conducive to sex and erotic engagements. (And yes, we think [ENCLOSED] clandestine ultra-sexy offerings, as well as more modest lingerie and accessories, would be perfect for such a fête.)

Polyamory – Engaging in emotionally intimate relationships among multiple people that can also be sexual and/or romantic partners. Also called an open relationship or a non-monogamous relationship.

Polyandry – One woman married to multiple husbands.

Polycule – A romantic network made up of a polyamorous person’s lovers and partners. It can include several or many people. The term is a portmanteau of “polyamory” and “molecule”.

Polyfidelity – A polyamorous relationship where only in-group sex is allowed unless the group approves other additions. The term was coined by Kerista Commune,  whose adherents are also considered to author the term “compersion”.

Polygamy – One (typically heterosexual) man is married to multiple wives.

RACK – Stands for “risk aware consensual kink. While not eliminating all risks, the persons involved decide how to address and manage the risks involved.

Sadist – Someone who consensually derives sexual pleasure out of inflicting intense physical sensation, up to and including pain and/or psychological or emotional distress on their partner.

naughty teacher ruler roleplaySafe Word – A prearranged word serving as an unambiguous signal to end an activity, such as between a dominant and submissive sexual couple.

Sex Positive – A movement and mindset focusing on promoting and embracing sexuality, rather than shame, and avoiding ethical or moral judgments around sexuality. The terms and concept of sex-positive are generally attributed to Wilhelm Reich who also coined the phrase “the sexual revolution.”

Soft Swap – Soft swapping can range from having sex in the same room with other people, to fondling and for some couples, even oral sex with one or more people outside the couple. Once there is penetration beyond the partner, it’s considered a “full swap”. From Life On The Swing Set.

Soft Swing – Couples who only have intercourse with their own partner, but do so in the presence of others. Can also be two couples who agree to watch each other during sexual activities.

Submissive – Person who derives satisfaction by giving up control of certain aspects of their lives, behavior or bodies to a Dominant partner. From Rekink.

Sugar Baby – A person, typically younger, who enters into an agreement with a Sugar Daddy/Mama to be financial supported in exchange for sexual and emotional affection.

Sugar Daddy / Mama – A well-to-do, usually older, person who supports or spends lavishly on a typically younger mistress, girlfriend, or boyfriend.

Swingers / Swinging / “The Lifestyle” – A form of open relationship where a committed couple engages in consensual sex with other couples, singles, or groups. The swinger community often refers to itself as “The Lifestyle.”

light bdsm lace handcuffs pantiesSwitch – Someone who switches between Dominant and submissive roles.

Throuples – Couples who invite a third party into their relationship.

Threesome – Three people in a sexual encounter.

Triad – Three people in an ongoing relationship of emotional and sexual involvement. Not the same as a threesome.

Unicorn – A single, generally bi-sexual female that participates in the lifestyle. Referred to as “unicorns” because they are so rare.

Thank You

Sincere thanks to Stefani Goerlich, LMSW, of Bound Together Counseling, for reviewing this piece and giving valuable input. Bound Together Counseling offers client-centered, empowerment focused, affirming and inclusive counseling services from a sex-positive, feminist perspective.

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Sex Positive Comments Most Welcome . . .

Don’t be shy – we encourage you to join the conversation and provide advice or ask questions in the comments below. There is more than one interpretation of many of these terms. Tell us what works for you. What definitions do you use?

You are welcome comment under an alias name or provide your full name and links to resources and information you think might be helpful to this ongoing discussion.

11 Ways To Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Special

So, your wife finally has a little bun in her oven and you two couldn’t be happier. Pregnancy has been proven to reinforce relationships, but she might need some extra help feeling the love. Keep on reading for eleven ways to make your wife feel special during her pregnancy. As they say, happy wife, happy life.

1. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Beautiful: Compliment Her

This seems so simple, but the best things usually are. Your pregnant wife might start to feel insecure as her body goes through changes, and reassuring her the best you can will do wonders for her self-confidence. Telling her you find her beautiful and that her figure is more attractive than ever is a sure-fire way to bring a smile to her face.

2. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Sexy: Get Her Pretty Lingerie

pregnant wife undiesHere at Enclosed we are firm believers in the beneficial powers of a pretty pair of panties, especially if they can boost a woman’s feeling of self-worth. And there is no time when a woman needs that more than when she is pregnant. We’ve spoken to dozens of pregnant women about what they want in underwear; and the responses were clear. Pregnant women don’t just want ugly granny-panties, they still want to feel beautiful. And pregnancy panties can be sexy. So to treat your baby mama to something special, surprise her with a sexy subscription to the world’s finest lingerie club . . . 

If you need a little help choosing what to get her, at Enclosed we are experts in the matter: every month we get fathers-to-be telling us their wives are so-and-so months pregnant, and we carefully select what we know will look and fit them best. Just mention that she is pregnant under “special requests” during checkout, and we’ll take care of all the rest.

Note, buying her bras will be more trouble than it’s worth: not only will her breasts grow every month, but they are also much more sensitive, which means she needs firm support.

3. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Treasured: Take Her Out

Your wife might feel a little slow as the trimesters pass, but taking her out on dates will not only get you two moving but it is an opportunity for you to show her off. Whether you decide to treat her to a fancy restaurant or just a simple movie date, be affectionate in public (without crossing a line—tacky). She will be happy you are proud of her, in all her big-bellied glory.

4. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Fresh: Take Her Shopping

It is frustrating for anyone to realize that their favorite jeans or t-shirt fits a little too snug. Make her feel brand-new by shopping for clothes, and note, this does not have to be maternity clothes, but just for outfits that compliment her new curves.  Take a look at Séraphine for a start.

5. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Heard: Listen To Her

Hopefully this is something you already do, but it should be accentuated during her pregnancy. Your wife is going through a life changing experience that affects mind, body and soul. She will need to evacuate her feelings, whether it be fears, concerns or worries. Listen to her with compassion.

6. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Young: Flirt With Her In Public

pregnant wife underwearKeeping things light and sexy during a “serious” time will take off the edge and overall instill a sense of playfulness in your relationship. So go ahead and flirt like when you had just met, it will make every moment together feel more special.

7. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Carefree: Reassure Her

Being pregnant is scary. Even though you can be there for her every day, she is still the one carrying a child and that is nerve-racking in itself. Listen to her worries of course, but reassure her. If she is concerned about an aspect of her pregnancy, buy some books and find reassuring facts. Books we definitely recommend are The Expectant Father, Your Pregnancy For The Father To Be, and Dude, You’re Gonna Be A Dad! Make her worries your own and whatever happens, always remind her that you are in this with her.

8. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Attended To: Be Involved

Being emotionally there for your pregnant wife is a given, but your actual presence matters just as much. Go to every doctor’s appointment, try to spend as much time as you can at home and check in often. You might be busy at work but set some time aside for her and her belly: after all, you only have nine months.

9. Make Your Wife Feel Sensible: Be Tactful

Choosing your words carefully around your pregnant wife is crucial to making her feel special. Pregnant women do have a surplus of hormones which can make them feel overly emotional or sensitive at times, which is why you need to make sure the compliments you make her are genuine. Be careful about teasing her on sensitive subjects, she might have laughed with you pre-pregnancy but it might backfire on you now.

10. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Wanted: Seduce Her

thong on pregnant womanContrary to popular belief, a pregnancy is not synonymous with nine months without sex. Your pregnant wife’s hormones are a bit all over the place which means her libido might go way up (or way down.) If she is in the mood, (and with permission from her doctor), don’t be shy to make a move. She will be thrilled you find her new curvy body arousing, so prepare for a mind-blowing night (or day) of sex.

11. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Cherished: Enjoy The Present

Enjoy time with your pregnant wife before the baby arrives because once the little bun comes out of the oven, nothing will ever be the same. Try to not think of your wife’s pregnancy as a countdown but rather as a journey that you are taking together. Remind her often about how happy you are she is carrying your child and cherish the special bond you now have.

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Comment and Win A Free Month Of Undies

Leave a comment below telling us what helped you through your pregnancy (moms and dads both welcome to comment) and you might win a free month of Enclosed . . .

16 Best Sex-Positive Podcasts

Sex Podcasts You Need To Hear

Getting bored with the same old podcasts you always listen to? Or simply looking for new ones? The knicker ladies at [ENCLOSED] have compiled a saucy list of the best sex podcasts that will definitely liven your morning commute. From sex advice to hilarious ‘hook up’ stories, these podcasts are definitely NSFW—but oh so cheeky. Listen without moderation.

Your Favorite Sex Podcasts

Do you have any favorite sex podcasts we might have missed? Share the love and tell us in the comments below . . .

sex podcast: Polyamory Weekly

Polyamory Weekly

Cunning Minx, a poly sex-positive educator, hosts Polyamory Weekly, a sex podcast show that delves deep into the realms of polyamorous relationships.

Guys We Fucked sex podcast

Guys We F****d

This sex podcast is a candid, comedic look at the sexual trysts of two friends in the prime of life. These unabashedly honest, sex-positive ladies dish out some hilarious, yet informative advice.

Sex Out Loud sex podcast

Sex Out Loud

This sex podcast is hosted by the sex-positive activist and educator Tristan Taormino. She gets down to the nitty gritty, all the things you’ve wanted to know but never dared to ask.

sex dr jess podcast list

Sex With Dr. Jess

Dr. Jess hosted PlayboyTV’s hit series Swing and her podcast touches on everything from healthy communication and the psychology of sex to orgies and opening up relationships. Co-hosted by her husband, Brandon Ware, the duo interview psychologists, comedians, therapists and porn stars — all in the name of providing science-based sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

Modern Love sex podcast

Modern Love

 For those less interested in the nitty gritty sex talk, a New York Times heartfelt, sex podcast narrated by famed actors and musicians.

sex podcast: Savage Lovecast

Savage Lovecast

Possibly the most well-renown of all sex-positive advice podcasts, Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast show gives listeners a chance to get their sex questions answered.

sex podcast: Seven Minutes in Heaven with Kira Sabin

Seven Minutes In Heaven With Kira Sabin

Strapped for time? Kira Sabin packs in a whole lot of valuable relationship advice on her seven-minute, sex positive podcast show.

Carnalcopia sex podcast

Carnalcopia

This podcast is hosted by Ashley Manta and Katie Mack, friends and sex-positive enthusiasts. Ashley, a sex educator, guides Katie, a sex-postive newbie, through a learning journey about sexuality and relationships.

Sex with Emily sex podcast

Sex With Emily

Dr. Emily Morse doles out straight-forward yet unintimidating sex-positive advice on her sex podcast with guest speakers, including porn stars and notable figures in the sex advice field.

Why Are People Into That? sex podcast

Why Are People Into That?

Hosted by sex worker Tina Horn. In each monthly sex podcast episode, Tina delves into a specific fetish to ask the titular question.

Whorecast sex podcast

The Whorecast

Hosted by Siouxie Q, this sex podcast aims to humanize sex workers by broadcasting their stories. As a former member of the sex work industry, her own perspective adds a unique twist.

Lunch with Legs sex podcast

Lunch With Legs

This sex-positive podcast is hosted by a burlesque dancer, who gives listeners an inside view of the NYC sexpert and performer scene.

People of Kink sex podcast

The People Of Kink

Curious to get kinky and learn about BDSM? In each sex-positive podcast episode The People of Kink explores an indiviual’s journey into the realms of the dark side. Even if you’re not too keen on the whole fetish concept, this sex podcast is still an intriguing listen.

Kinsey Confidential sex podcast

Kinsey Confidential

Dr. Debby Herbenick, Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, provides an educator’s perspective through sex-positive Q&As on her podcast.

sex podcast: Loveline

Loveline

Dr. Drew and “Psycho” Mike Catherwood host this informative sex podcast show about everything sex-related from medical issues like STDs to emotional problems. The two men provide a good balance of humor and weightiness.

News Whore sex podcast

News Whore

Looking for something on the silly side? Mandy Stadtmiller, New York City based writer and comedian, dishes out the new on her sex podcast News Whore. The podcast features amazing guest appearances from the likes of 30 Rock's Judah Friedlander and author Jerry Stahl.

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Sexy Anniversary Gifts

Bask in the romance (with undies).

anniversary undies

engagement undies

Engagement

Congratulate the fiancée with lovely undies!

Bridal Undies

Surprise the bride-to-be.

bridal undies

What are the reasons why you give knickers?

 

wife wants you

Totally Devoted: 11 Reasons Why Your Wife (Or Girlfriend) Only Wants You

Why Your Wife (Or Girfriend) Only Wants You

‘A one-man woman’ the phrase goes . . . Well research has shown that this may be scientifically true. Remember Phoebe from Friends and her mate-for-life lobsters? Most women’s libidos are loyal as the tasty red crustaceans (just mind the pincers!) Here are 11 reasons why you really are her lobster . . .

  1. Your Wife: Born Faithful– Ladies are genuinely more likely to be looking for their lobster, and no one else. Why? One reason is that women are broadly exposed to less testosterone in the womb. Scientific research has found that this is a significant reason why women are more inclined to be faithful. Once she’s yours, you’re hers.
  1. She Is Chemically Hooked – Your unique scent – and that means YOU not your favorite aftershave – is full of pheromones like androstanol, which indicates testosterone levels and she finds this powerfully attractive. She can literally smell your manliness! Your wife craves you.
  1. You’re Her Destiny – Throughout the few past decades, surveys have found that women score consistently higher for a belief in true romantic destiny. When she says you’re The One, she really believes it.
  1. Her Master’s Voice – No, not a sexist joke, just a reference to the fact that experiments in the 1950s showed that over 92% of women have an aroused physiological response – raised pulse, dilated pupils, etc – when listening to recordings of their partner’s voice. So speak up, she is listening.
  1. An Intimate Connection – Women typically rate emotional and sexual intimacy very highly and need both to be happy. Once she has established those with you, her man, then she has hit the love jackpot. Kaching!
  1. All In Her Hands – Those clever folk at Oxford University have made an unexpected discovery. Ladies who have slightly longer index fingers in proportion to the ring fingers were less testosterone-exposed before birth and are more naturally monogamous (plus they give great piano serenades).

love in hands

  1. She Loves Your Cuddles – Heard of oxytocin? It is a powerful hormone, sometimes known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. Every time you hug or kiss your partner, the levels soar and it promotes pair bonding. Get a-kissing and a-hugging – it really works!
  1. You’re Always On Her Mind – Eminent psychiatrists around the world have proven that women are pre-programmed to form deep psychological bonds with their partner which generally grow stronger with time and are non-transferable. Basically, only YOU will do.
  1. Your Wife Is Naughty Too – Men sometimes get accused of having ‘one-track minds’. Well listen up, sex is on her mind too. Women have been found to think about sex on average 34 times per day when they are at work. Her daydreams tend to be partner-specific too, which means she thinks about getting it on with you much more than you might realize!
  1. Blow Her Mind – You’ve heard the (true) saying that the biggest sexual organ is the brain. Well, all the little things you do to her and with her add up to a whole world of lovin’ messaging firing around the universe of neurons that is her grey matter. In other words: your relationship effectively blows her mind and then fine-tunes it to YOU!
  1. You Make Her Feel Sexy – For women, there is nothing sexier than feeling secure in where you are and who you are with. In an intimate long-term relationship or marriage, she gets just that kind of security. And that is when she can cut loose. One way to show her that you are here for the long run? Send her a year (or more) of luxury lingerie, creating a pattern of monthly date nights guaranteed to make her feel sexy, cared-for and therefore . . . utterly able to go wild.

See? We told you it was all good: when your lady loves you, she means it heart, mind, body and soul. That’s pretty amazing. What are you waiting for? Enjoy – for her, it’s all about YOU!

San Francisco Skylilne Date Night Idea Header

San Francisco Date Night Ideas for Couples

Everyone promises each other monthly dates but going out to dinner every time just is not cutting it anymore. We have come up with a full proof calendar of different date ideas for every month in our favorite city by the bay: San Francisco.

Since Enclosed is a monthly gift company, we have paired each date with the perfect gift idea for an element of surprise.

January Date Idea: Putt Your Way Into Her Heart


Take refuge from the San Francisco wind and fog at Urban Putt, an indoor mini golf course. After a day of hitting balls alongside the miniature Painted Ladies or past the giant skull at the Dia de los Muertos hole, the second-floor restaurant is the perfect place to grab a bite to eat. Compare each other’s score cards over Seared Dayboat Scallops and Fried Chicken & Waffle Skewers . . . not your average golf course food.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: Buy personalized golf balls that you and your date can play with. You can add pictures or maybe a cheeky phrase . . .

February Date Night Idea: Top Marks for Glamour

There is nothing more breathe taking than your own exquisite city and the views it has to offer. The Mark Hopkins is one of the most iconic hotels in San Francisco. On the 19th floor is the Top of the Mark where you can enjoy a cocktail where stars of the 1930’s also used to drink.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: Give her a pair of diamond earrings to match the ambiance of the Old Hollywood theme at Top of the Rock. (And cubic zirconias are okay too!)

March Date Night Idea: She’ll Be Bowled Over

glow-in-the-dark-bowling-sf-date-idea

Relive your high school dating days at the bowling alley, only this time you will not be breaking curfew. Head over to the Presidio for a late night game of glow in the dark bowling. Strikes and spares should only ever be played with this much neon.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: To enhance to atmosphere, grab some glow sticks that you and your partner can wear. Even in the dark, you will be able to spot each other from alleys away and wear them all night long, even with nothing at all . . .

April Date Idea: Luxurious San Francisco Views

Cavallo Point Spa San Francisco Date
There is nothing like the feeling of being relaxing next to your loved one. The Cavallo Point Spa looks out to the Golden Gate Bridge, the second best view behind to the person lying on the massage table next to you.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: Top off this extravagant date by purchasing a piece of art from Cavallo’s own gallery.

May Date Idea: Couples Exploration

Learn about chemistry of light and also the chemistry with each other over a glass of wine at the Exploratorium. Check out this usually kids museum every Thursday night for their “after dark” events just for adults.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: With hundreds of kids through the museum during the day, a bottle of fresh scented hand sanitizer is a must for a gift before this date. This way both of you can explore the exhibits (and each other) as much as you want, without any germophobia worries.

June Date Idea: Play Horsey

Horse back ride SF Beach DateEnjoy a scenic, guided horseback ride down San Francisco’s Ocean Beach, near Fort Funsion. It’s the perfect way to finally meet your friendly sea lion, sea bird, and whale neighbors.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: Horseback riding calls for a saucy riding crop. And no this is not intended for the horse . . .

July Date Idea: San Francisco Stow Away

Stow Lake SF Date ideaThe middle of summer is cause for celebrating the great outdoors. In the midst of the concrete jungle, Stow Lake is a great option for a little fresh air. Rent a boat for a romantic afternoon then head on over for a day with nature.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: Put together a gift basket of sunscreen, hats, sunglasses and aloe vera (just in case). Don’t forget to help your date lather up the sunscreen.

August Date Night Idea: Do It Like Animals

 

Experience the zoo in a whole new light – twilight. Go on a nocturnal safari to get up close and personal with the animals of the night. Then spend the night under the stars, next to your loved one.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: Now is the time to invest in the ultimate couples cuddle machine. Purchase a doubles sleeping bag so you can keep each other warm in this jungle of a date.

September Date Night: San Francisco Mile High Club

Seaplane tour SF Date NightAny San Franciscan knows that summer heat takes off in September and October. Celebrate by taking your loved one on the ride of their life with Seaplane Adventure. Toast each other with a glass of champagne, against the sunset of San Francisco in your private plane.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: Nothing says flying like a pair of aviators. Buy you and your date matching pair of aviators to get you in the mood for a flight above the city.

October Date Idea: Pasties & Thigh-Highs

 

Operas and symphonies? Snooze. You and your partner will sure to love Hubba revue’s burlesque show. Learn some moves from the performers as they strip down to their pasties.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: Stalk up on local coffee and Alka-Seltzer to cure the Hubba revue induced hangover.

November Date Idea: Adult Bouncy House

Trampoline Date Night San FranciscoKick off your shoes and get ready to . . . jump! House of Air, located in the Presidio, is an indoor trampoline park that brings out the little kid in you. Be prepared for a lot of falling, catching each other, and rolling around.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: Continue the kids part and have cupcakes and lots of icing everywhere . . . together

December Date Night Idea: Arouse the Senses

 

A dinner to awaken the senses. Center the night on celebrating some of the two most popular aphrodisiac foods: oysters and chocolate. Head over to Hog Island Oyster Co. and celebrate the beautiful bay you live by with some oysters and other fresh shellfish. For dessert, indulge in chocolate, our second favorite aphrodisiac, with gourmet chocolate at Sixth Course. You and your partner will definitely be in a good mood tonight.

SF Gift Pairing Idea: Top the date off with a subscription from Enclosed from the most luxurious lingerie company in San Francisco. You can opt to have the first box delivered to you and the rest of the subscription delivered to her. The perfect option so you can personally hand deliver the first box and see that surprised look on her face.

reasons love husband flowers

Reasons I Love My Husband

Through downs and ups, why do you love him still? Share your reasons, big and small, why you would never trade your man for any other in the world.

What are your favorite reasons you love your husband or honey-bunny? Add your reasons in the comment section below to become part of our ongoing list.

  1. Sometimes he acts like a 14 year-old. But he can be serious and an adult when the situation calls for it.
  2. He encourages me, he is my personal cheerleading squad when NO ONE else is there.
  3. He makes me laugh. He loves to tell funny stories. Even if in the end they do not end up as funny as he thought they would be (he does go on), our shared laughter is what matters.
  4. He is an amazing father. He loves our kids unconditionally and to the moon and back.
  5. He is willing to watch chick-flicks with me. (Sometimes.) Sometimes he will sit there with a disgruntled look on his face but never complains.
  6. He is a man of his word. From our wedding vows or saying no to our kids for dessert after nine, he sticks to his word.
  7. He asks my opinion. And listens. He asks for my opinion on anything from a tie pattern to a big decision at the office. And what’s more, he asks for my opinion because he wants to hear what I think.
  8. He tells me I’m beautiful, out of the blue. Even during the times when I have just rolled out of bed and not even taken a shower yet , it surprises me and makes me happy.
  9. He’s a great bug killer! I hate them and he doesn’t. His skills with a rolled-up magazine are legend.
  10. His hands. His hands are a constant reminder of how he can be so strong, yet so caring.
  11. He still brings me flowers for no reason. Sometimes he will come home with a bouquet of flowers. Each time I am just as surprised and it brightens my day.

No matter big or small, these are some of the reasons we love our husbands. Let us know what are some of your reasons in the comment section below and we will add it to our ongoing list.