Mother’s Day Gift Ideas to Give The Mother Of Your Children This Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is just around the corner and the mother of your children deserves something memorable this year. Looking for mother’s day gift ideas? Ditch the the boring traditional Mother’s Day gifts and opt for one of these sexy and romantic Mother’s Day gift alternatives.
The Ultra-Feminine Sexy Gift Idea: Sexy Kimono
Pamper the mother of your children with this colorful chiffon robe from Naked Princess. This sexy Mother’s Day gift idea is both flirty and sultry.
The Maternal Love Bond
Delight the mother of your children (or yes, future children) with sophisticated scents by fabled New York parfumerie, Bond No. 9. Personally, we’d love the rose-and-hyacinth scented Madison Square Park Candle.
The Romantic Mother’s Day Gift Idea: The Staycation
Get a babysitter and book a night at nice hotel downtown for the two of you. Enjoy a night out and going “home” to fresh sheets and ultra-plush hotel pillows. The best part? You don’t have to clean up after yourself.
The (Slightly) Kinky Sexy Mothers Day Gift Idea: All Chained Up
For this sexy Mother’s Day Gift idea, ditch the traditional #1Mom jewelry and select a delicate belly chain.
The Mother’s Day Gift Idea For the playful Mom
Dare to gift your wife this sexy Mother’s Day gift that will transport her to an imaginative world of play and fantasy with these cute Kitty Kat Headband. With these ears on the fun keeps going even after you’ve put the kids to bed.
The Sleepy Sexy Mothers Day Gift Idea: Blindfold for Your Dynamic Hot Mama
Because every mother needs more sleep. Gift her this KissKill blindfold as an alternative sexy Mother’s Day gift that she can use both for a good night of slumber or a naughty night of fun.
The Mothers Day Gift Idea For Your Foodie: Dinner Courtesy of A Private Chef
Give the mother of your children a break using a sexy Mother’s Day gift such as this one. Hire a personal chef to cook as she unwinds for a romantic dinner for two.
The Sensual Mother’s Day Gift Idea: A Sexy Bath of Roses
What better way to pamper her than with a relaxing bath of luxurious real rose petals? You get the champagne and candles, let FlyBoy Naturals take care of the flowers. An unforgettable sexy Mother’s Day gift!
The Classic Mother’s Day Gift Idea: Extravagant Arrangements
If you are going to go the traditional route you absolute MUST step it up and out-do the old grocery store variety. Surprise her with an utterly stunning bouquet from Farmgirl Flowers – these gorgeous arrangements ship nationally!
The Ultimate Sexy Mother’s Day Gift: A Gift that Keeps On Giving
Celebrate your wife and the mother of your children all year-round with a subscription to Enclosed. This luxury monthly subscription box is just the thing to make her feel extra-special & loved month after month – the perfect sexy Mother’s Day gift that keeps on giving.
The Boudoir Photo Shoot For Your Hot Mama
Gift that gorgeous mama an intimate, safe celebration of her sensual beauty with a personal boudoir photoshoot. She’ll have fun doing it and you’ll both adore the resulting images that celebrate her inner and outer beauty.
Create A “Kissing Portal” Of Love For Mother’s Day
Give the mother in your life a gift she can share with her children, her parter, and even her besties; with Kissing Portal bracelets she can wear a reminder of love on her wrist. When friends and family cannot be together in person, the Portal gives you a way to connect and share the love.
Mama Needs Some Maha Love This Mother’s Day
Sooth that frenzied Mother with Maharindee, a CBD-powered skin care line that is cruelty-free, meticulously sourced, and super-sustainable too boot. Founded by our founder’s long-time friend, Shona, we think every mother needs a little Maharindee Love.
So, your wife finally has a little bun in her oven and you two couldn’t be happier. Pregnancy has been proven to reinforce relationships, but she might need some extra help feeling the love. Keep on reading for eleven ways to make your wife feel special during her pregnancy. As they say, happy wife, happy life.
1. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Beautiful: Compliment Her
This seems so simple, but the best things usually are. Your pregnant wife might start to feel insecure as her body goes through changes, and reassuring her the best you can will do wonders for her self-confidence. Telling her you find her beautiful and that her figure is more attractive than ever is a sure-fire way to bring a smile to her face.
2. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Sexy: Get Her Pretty Lingerie
If you need a little help choosing what to get her, at Enclosed we are experts in the matter: every month we get fathers-to-be telling us their wives are so-and-so months pregnant, and we carefully select what we know will look and fit them best. Just mention that she is pregnant under “special requests” during checkout, and we’ll take care of all the rest.
Note, buying her bras will be more trouble than it’s worth: not only will her breasts grow every month, but they are also much more sensitive, which means she needs firm support.
3. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Treasured: Take Her Out
Your wife might feel a little slow as the trimesters pass, but taking her out on dates will not only get you two moving but it is an opportunity for you to show her off. Whether you decide to treat her to a fancy restaurant or just a simple movie date, be affectionate in public (without crossing a line—tacky). She will be happy you are proud of her, in all her big-bellied glory.
4. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Fresh: Take Her Shopping
It is frustrating for anyone to realize that their favorite jeans or t-shirt fits a little too snug. Make her feel brand-new by shopping for clothes, and note, this does not have to be maternity clothes, but just for outfits that compliment her new curves. Take a look at Séraphine for a start.
5. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Heard: Listen To Her
Hopefully this is something you already do, but it should be accentuated during her pregnancy. Your wife is going through a life changing experience that affects mind, body and soul. She will need to evacuate her feelings, whether it be fears, concerns or worries. Listen to her with compassion.
6. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Young: Flirt With Her In Public
Keeping things light and sexy during a “serious” time will take off the edge and overall instill a sense of playfulness in your relationship. So go ahead and flirt like when you had just met, it will make every moment together feel more special.
7. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Carefree: Reassure Her
Being pregnant is scary. Even though you can be there for her every day, she is still the one carrying a child and that is nerve-racking in itself. Listen to her worries of course, but reassure her. If she is concerned about an aspect of her pregnancy, buy some books and find reassuring facts. Books we definitely recommend are The Expectant Father, Your Pregnancy For The Father To Be, and Dude, You’re Gonna Be A Dad! Make her worries your own and whatever happens, always remind her that you are in this with her.
8. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Attended To: Be Involved
Being emotionally there for your pregnant wife is a given, but your actual presence matters just as much. Go to every doctor’s appointment, try to spend as much time as you can at home and check in often. You might be busy at work but set some time aside for her and her belly: after all, you only have nine months.
9. Make Your Wife Feel Sensible: Be Tactful
Choosing your words carefully around your pregnant wife is crucial to making her feel special. Pregnant women do have a surplus of hormones which can make them feel overly emotional or sensitive at times, which is why you need to make sure the compliments you make her are genuine. Be careful about teasing her on sensitive subjects, she might have laughed with you pre-pregnancy but it might backfire on you now.
10. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Wanted: Seduce Her
Contrary to popular belief, a pregnancy is not synonymous with nine months without sex. Your pregnant wife’s hormones are a bit all over the place which means her libido might go way up (or way down.) If she is in the mood, (and with permission from her doctor), don’t be shy to make a move. She will be thrilled you find her new curvy body arousing, so prepare for a mind-blowing night (or day) of sex.
11. Make Your Pregnant Wife Feel Cherished: Enjoy The Present
Enjoy time with your pregnant wife before the baby arrives because once the little bun comes out of the oven, nothing will ever be the same. Try to not think of your wife’s pregnancy as a countdown but rather as a journey that you are taking together. Remind her often about how happy you are she is carrying your child and cherish the special bond you now have.
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Leave a comment below telling us what helped you through your pregnancy (moms and dads both welcome to comment) and you might win a free month of Enclosed . . .
The following is the very beginning of a listicle featuring some of the top boudoir studios and top boudoir photographers we have worked with. We’ll be updating this list over the months to come. We also invite you to submit your boudoir photography studio for consideration.
Top Boudoir Photography Studio in Bloomington & Chicago, IL
Cori Strong Photographer
www.coristrong.com Geographic Area: Bloomington & Chicago, Illinois Professional Boudoir photographer capturing both the inner and outer beauty. Contact: Cori Strong, firstname.lastname@example.org
Top Boudoir Photography Studio in Dallas, Tx
Beautiful You Studios
Beautiful You Studios in Dallas, TX
beautifulyoustudios.com Geographic Area: Dallas, TX & Beyond Luxury Boudoir studio for women, by women. Contact: Candace Perry, email@example.com
For Couples Celebrating The Ultimate Anti-Valentine’s Day
March 14 is the anti-Valentine’s Day to end all red-and-pink romantic hallmark dreams. Yes, it’s a thing, and it’s real name is Steak and Blow Job Day, hereafter politely referred to as Steak and BJ Day. To celebrate this questionably-needed day, we offer you 14 Steak and BJ Day gift ideas for your husband, lover or other manly man.
1. The Perfect Steak and BJ Gift Idea Your Husband Is Guaranteed To Love
This one is a bit of a no-brainer. Present his steak in the sauciest, sexiest, most fun lingerie on earth. (Well, certainly the best in your lingerie drawer.) Outfit yourself in [ENCLOSED] knickers or body lingerie, and pour on the steak sauce.
2. The Wagyu Beef Rolls Royce of Headphones
Ready to spend some serious coin? Get him the ultra-best in audio with the HIFIMAN HE1000 V2 Over Ear Planar Magnetic Headphones. If beautiful design and total luxury are his thing, then this is a sexy gift. And how do you present your Steak and Blow Job Day gift? Wearing nothing but headphones and lingerie. Boom.
3. The Steak and BJ Day Gift Idea For The Meat Man
Of course, you get him an awesome gift for grilling. But what does that entail? Let the dudes down at Mancrates take care of the Steak and BJ Day gift with the Mancrate grilling crate. If you are someone who really doesn’t like giving blow jobs, just fill him up with meat and perhaps he’ll be so satisfied you’ll be off the hook.
4. Here’s The Rub: The Dirtiest Sounding Steak And BJ Day Gift Idea
Give him a good rub-down this Steak And BJ Day with well, meat rub. No, we are not getting dirty here (although you might), with these extra-saucy meat rubs. If you do like giving him a BJ, don’t overdo this one or he may be a little ahem, spent. So, here’s the rub . . .
5. The No Outfit Needed Steak And BJ Day Gift Idea
You don’t even need to choose an outfit for this Steak And BJ Day gift idea. You just need to perhaps do your hair (your hair down there?) and get cookin’ (literally.) What we have in mind is good old fashioned naked dinner. Set the table, or spread a blanket on the floor and eat what you please. Steak and babysitter recommended.
6. The Total Madness Steak And BJ Day Gift Idea
It’s no coincidence that Steak And BJ Day falls just before March Madness. So, what’s your Steak And BJ Day gift to him? Send him out for a night with the boys during March Madness. And the total bonus? You get a night in with your sweet self or out with your friends. Win win, no tournament needed.
7. The Cliché Steak And BJ Day Gift Idea For The Manly Man
8. The Not-So-DIY Steak and BJ Gift Idea For The Meat Man
Cut right to the bone. (Get it?) Surprise your man on this day of steak-celebration with a Steak of the month or meat of the month gift from Butcher Box. So, Surprise him with a nice Tenderloin, and make him go tender in his loins (if you know what we mean.)
9. The Steak and BJ and Beer Gift Idea
Craft beers are like fine lingerie; diverse, hand-crafted and endlessly wonderful to explore. So, help him explore on Steak and BJ Day with a Craft Beer Club Membership.
10. The Steak and BJ Day Gift Idea For The Guy Who Loves You (almost) As Much As His Porsche
He’s already obsessed with his Porsche. Let him ride with that love. Introduce him to DeMan Motorsport where he can fine tune his car, go to races, the pavement is the limit.
11. Holy Smoke! The Perfect Cigar Lover‘s Steak and BJ Day Gift Idea
Steak and BJ Day is all about keeping things hot, so why not do so literally with the gift of hot sauce? (No, not you, hot lady, but the kind in a bottle.) Check out Fuego box for a super-hot Steak And BJ Day gift idea.
Not just a blowjob! Sexy card games are some of the easiest to play because all you need is a deck of Sex & Mischief cards from Kinkly and a little imagination!
15. The Sexy Artsy Steak and BJ Day Gift For Both Of You
Record your Steak and BJ Day celebrations with the Love Is Art Kit. Perhaps even trace the steak so you remember this delicious dinner?
This article was brought to you by the Knicker Ladies at Enclosed, the best Steak and BJ Day gift of all. Enclosed is an upscale lingerie subscription club. Each pair of knickers is handpicked by us, customized to the customer’s preference and delivered right to her doorstep. With a 100% size guarantee, there is no worrying about buying the wrong size. Sign up to be a member of Enclosed.
15. The OG Steak and BJ Day Website
Yes, there is an “official” Steak and BJ Day website. At least there used to be. We are not sure what became of this brilliant company that even had a merchandise section. They do still have an Instagram presence which is delightfully PG and safe for work.
Like what you see?
This article was brought to you by the Knicker Ladies at Enclosed, the best Steak and BJ Day gift of all. Enclosed is an upscale lingerie subscription club. Each pair of knickers is handpicked by us, customized to the customer’s preference and delivered right to her doorstep. With a 100% size guarantee, there is no worrying about buying the wrong size. Sign up to be a member of Enclosed.
Experience more of [ENCLOSED] by subscribing to our Knickergram newsletter and unlocking members-only promotions and offers.
We promise never to share or sell any of your personal information.
Add Your Comment & Win A Free Gift
Add your comment about a wonderful luxury gift below. Commenters can win a free month of Enclosed.
So I was driving home from the [ENCLOSED]‘s offices and store in San Francisco listening to SiriusXm mulling over what to cook for dinner (yes, I know, sexy stuff) and happened upon a radio show that truly resonated with me. I heard real people – men and women of all ages – calling in with heartfelt, challenging questions about sex and relationships. But what set this show appart was the quality and tenor of the host’s responses. This “Doctor Emily”, as I learned she was called, was warm, thoughtful, insightful and knowledgable. She was applying her expertise in ways that were going to positively impact these people’s sex, lives and sex lives.
That’s when I had my ah-ha moment; these are our people. These people that are calling in to Dr. Emily are so similar to [ENCLOSED] members. In both cases – when calling Dr. Emily or subscribing to [ENCLOSED] – people are looking for insight, tools and assistance in helping themselves and their significant others feel good about themselves and their sexuality.
Just as Sex With Emily isn’t just answering questions, [ENCLOSED]isn’t about the packaging with rose petals, or even the high end lingerie. The point of [ENCLOSED] is the way it makes you feel. By giving [ENCLOSED] you show the woman you love that you find her beautiful and desirable. In receiving [ENCLOSED], you get a tangible demonstration of love; every month when you open that iconic box, you know that someone finds your sexy and deserving of feeling totally adored.
It’s not often you get to ask any question – yes really anything – of one of the people you admire. But we jumped into our AMA knickers at the chance to learn more about Sarah Clayton’s secrets and passions. So, here’s our little round of “Ask Me Anything” with Sarah Clayton . . .
Sarah Clayton In ENCLOSED Black Lace Lingerie
Ask & Tell-All With Sarah Clayton
Q: What was your first modeling job?
A: Modeling jackets for a local company not too far from me. The photographer was someone I happened to have a mutual friend with, and he has since become a really great friend of myself and my husband. It’s my longest relationship in this career and he’s just as sweet and charismatic as he was 10 years ago!
Q: How did you get into nude photography?
A: My husband was subscriber of Playboy, he would tell me how awesome it would be to see me in there. Then once he came across a listing of casting calls they were having all over the country…. One of them being in Philadelphia, just a couple hours away! We took the day off, I attended, and that was my very first time ever modeling nude! I sort of jumped right into the deep end!
Q: Modeling (especially nude) must require a lot of confidence! What are some tips you use to keep up your confidence for a shoot?
A: I really try to watch what I’m eating for the most part. (Please do not take this as a signal that I do not eat. Quite the contrary!) Fortunately, I love vegetables, so they’re a mainstay at every meal. I try to eat grass-fed meat as often as I can afford, and really stay away from processed foods. Otherwise, I try to do weight training and yoga throughout the week. Other than that, it’s all about positioning! (That alone takes a while to figure out!). Being confident, for me, is showing up knowing that I am physically looking as well as I can, and also feeling good.
Q: What’s the wildest thing you’ve done for a photo shoot?
A: I honestly can’t really think anything that outlandish. For some reason the ones that really stick out are the ones where I was freezing, either in snow or a waterfall; or somewhere really dirty like an abandoned school filled with bird poop, or high in the rafters of an old barn.
Oh! Then there’s the few times I’ve almost been caught nude out in public! They are always abandoned places, but sometimes there just happens to be a hiking path nearby…. Whoops!
Q: We know you have a great deal of followers from the Lifestyle community. How did you get started with them?
A: My husband and I vacationed to a topless resort in Mexico, Temptation. We eventually became friends with the entertainment manager, who suggested we would be suited for a new resort the company was opening up, Desire Pearl. (The Desire resorts and Temptation are both owned by Original Resorts.) This was 7 years ago when the property was first opened, and we loved the idea of being able to be nude vs topless! We have made wonderful relationships and lifelong friends with the staff and management at both Desire Resorts, as well as several of the guests that we have continued to see trip after trip!
Q: So is this how you got involved with Desire Resorts?
We started working with them 7 years ago, and it’s been a wonderful relationship since! I’ve done marketing for them on social media and have recently started doing Live broadcast sessions on Desire Facebook Page, answering questions about the resort for those who are curious about it. I’ve also originated and admin a secret Facebook Group for women-only who have either been to, or are curious about Desire, called “Ladies Love Desire.”
Q: Do you partake in the Lifestyle yourself? If so, any tips for people exploring?
I’ll leave the first part of the question up to the imagination, it would be unfair of me to respond for both of us. The couples that I see with the most success in the lifestyle are always communicating with each other, and consistently put their relationship and their partner’s feelings first.
Q: What is your favorite place you’ve been on vacation and why?
A: Mexico! The Mexican hospitality is bar-none and cannot be beat. No matter what resort we have stayed at, the service was impeccable, and the atmosphere has always been very welcoming.
Q: What is your idea of a romantic gesture?
A: Honestly, I love when my husband anticipates my need for something, even before I realize I need it. That just speaks volumes to me about how in tune he is with me. No dinner or gift could ever top that.
Q: What do you love about Enclosed?
A: The presentation! Not only is it luxurious to receive a well-made, beautiful designer lingerie item, but the deep purple box with wax seal and rose petals just takes it to the next level!
Q: What’s your guilty pleasure? Or do you have more than one?
A: Really dark chocolate! I’m snacking on some 85% right now!
And watching shows on apps on my phone. I’m constantly walking around the house watching shows on my phone!
Q: You said anything. Us ladies want to know: wax, shave, laser or what combination thereof?
A: Groupon lead me to do lasering of the lady parts with a deal I couldn’t walk away from! (It’s really working well!)
Otherwise everything is shaved.
Q: Your fans come from all over the globe and are quite diverse. What percent are men vs. women vs. couples? And how are they different?
A: I believe most fans are men, followed by couples (!) then women. I am the most flattered by the couples that are fans and that follow me, because I feel I can identify with them closely. My husband and I are always showing each other amazing women on our social media platforms, etc.
Q: What are your favorite podcasts to listen to?
A: Oh boy. Ready? Some Lifestyle Podcasts:
Room 77 – Couple together 16 yrs. Really funny, really loose, and they are crazy for each other.
Swinger Diaries -High school sweethearts! Married 20+ yrs. I love their forum because they pose questions at end of each episode that are answered by them and their listeners on the next episode! They’re really well organized, too. They have different “Books” which are 35 episodes each.
Normalizing Non-monogamy -I met this couple at Desire, we just happened to be sitting next to them at the pool! They are really cute, really sweet, and their podcast interviews a ton of different perspectives in the LS.
Some Non-Lifestyle Podcasts:
Stuff You Should Know– This is by far my favorite podcast. I’ll drop everything else I’m listening to whenever their feed is updated. It’s one of the original pioneer podcasts, and they cover everything.
HappyFace– This is a sad one, but it’s about the daughter of the Happy Face Killer, a serial killer that was active in the 90s – and his effect on her life, as well as her mother’s life.
Family Secrets– Dani Shapiro is an author who on a whim, did an online DNA profile and was stunned to learn her father was not her biological father. She interviews many other adults who had learned that their identities were not what they were raised to think. It’s fascinating!
Q: We know your husband is a photographer – responsible for many of the amazing images of you – what’s his favorite photo of you?
A: This photo was a light test while I was helping him with a photoshoot, I was just standing in place helping him get the lighting right! We had just celebrated out 10-year anniversary a month or two prior. He had this made into a large metal print that he has hanging in our office, and this is also his lock screen on his phone 🙂
Q: How long have you been married? What are some things you and your husband do to keep things fun and interesting?
A: 12 years!! The time has flown. We love to take a day or two and go into NYC in the middle of the week, late in the summer. We will walk for hours, put on 15 miles a day and just explore. He will take awesome photos that I drool over and that I beg to have made into art for our home. We also take time to just do little dates every week. $5 movie night is my favorite!
Q: What’s your favorite thing to do on date night?
A: If it’s a big date night, I dress up really sexy, super high heels, short skirt, the whole 9! Then we go out to a late dinner and soak each other up. Usually he will then try to find the recipe of a mixed drink that I fell in love with so that he can make it for me at home. He’s become quite the home bartender!
Q: Why is Iggy (your dog) named Iggy?
A: He is now 13 and when he became our pup we were huge Sixers fans. Andre Igoudala (2015 NBA Finals MVP with Golden State) was in his sophomore year in the league in 2005 and was a star player for the Sixers. His nickname with some of his teammates was “Iggy” and we thought that sounded like a really cute name for a really cute puppy!
Q: Thongs vs. gstrings vs. cheeky boyshorts. Go.
A: Thongs all the time when wearing pants outside of home. But I wear boyshorts a lot around the house during the summer because they’re so comfy!
About Sarah Clayton
Sarah Clayton is a professional model based out of northeastern PA. Her work has been featured in Playboy, Maxim, Men’s Health, QVC and various other magazines, clothing, and advertisement companies. Sarah Clayton is not only a stupendous model, but also a long-time customer and lover of [ENCLOSED]’s unforgettable monthly lingerie gifts.
By the time you read this AMA (As Me Anything), Emma & Fin have interviewed 64+ non-monogamous couples who tell their stories of swinging, polyamory, and non-monogamy in all it’s ups and downs. Their podcast Normalizing Non-Monogamy not only provides a learning experience, but some much needed comedic relief as well. With all the interviews they have done we thought it only right to flip the script and interview the masterminds themselves! So without further ado . . .
Q: First things first, how did the two of you meet? And how long have you been married?
Emma: We originally met in seventh grade where my family moved to the same town where Fin grew up. We were best friends in high school and started dating in college (although we secretly had crushes on each other in high school). We’ve been married seven years this summer.
Fin: In 7th grade Emma moved to the town where I lived. We met in advanced algebra (not to brag) and from that point on she was basically infatuated with me even though it took her a few years to realize it. Over the next 4-5 years we became best friends and ended up going to the same university for engineering and started dating part way through our first year. We got married a few years after we graduated and have been married seven years this summer.
Q: How did you start your non-monogamous journey, or how did you know it was right for you?
Emma & Fin: During our second year of university we both decided to study abroad. Even though we both chose Australia, early on we felt it was important to make decisions for ourselves and so we chose our schools independently. Luckily, we chose the same school which turned out to be amazing since we got to travel together.
Neither of us had a ton of dating or sexual experience outside of each other and one other relationship. We felt like that was something we should both be able to explore since we were so young, but neither of us really wanted to break up since we were happy together and loved having adventures together. Fin did some research and found that there was a [swinger, lifestyle or non monogamous] house party about an hour from where we lived and we decided to go. It was supposed to just be a meet and greet but it was basically an orgy between a ton of people who already knew each other. We hung out downstairs with the three other new couples and chatted. We walked around a bit to see what it was all about and had a little fun together but it was mostly an experience of just seeing what it [a swing party] was like.
Q: Would you consider yourselves Swingers? Or how do you best identify?
Emma: We identify as being in an open relationship or ethically non-monogamous. In practice, this mostly looks like traditional swinging for us at the moment, but we are open to other experiences as well. We are open to all kinds of relationship styles in the future and want to continue to meet and have amazing people be part of our lives.
Fin: We did for years because we didn’t really have a better way to describe what we were doing. A lot of people in the swinging world are afraid to use the word “poly” which isn’t the case for us, it just didn’t fit as a label on what we were doing. More recently we’ve decided a more fitting term is just to say we’re “open.” Basically, we’re open to whatever comes our way. We aren’t looking for anything specific other than awesome friends who are open-minded. If that turns into something more it’s fine with us but we haven’t set it as a goal.
Q: Are there any misconceptions about Swinging you want to clear up?
Emma: The majority of people we have met who are in a non-monogamous relationship are in it to enhance their relationship, not take away from it. They want to share these experiences with their partner and make their bond stronger while meeting and having experiences with other people. It sounds a little crazy but sharing your partner can make the connection between you two even deeper.
Fin: That all we do is have sex all day long with everyone we meet. It’s really only about half the day with 30% of the people. [This is a joke, people!]
Q: How has non-monogamy helped your marriage? Are there benefits you experience that you think you wouldn’t have if you were monogamous?
Emma: Being non-monogamous from very early on in our relationship has allowed us to communicate about everything from the beginning. Nothing is off the table and I believe this is a huge benefit to our relationship. We also have many amazing friends that I know we wouldn’t have if we were monogamous. We love meeting like-minded people and feel so comfortable with these friends.
Fin: It’s cliche but true… We can talk about everything and anything. It’s not always easy, but we can have conversations that a lot people can’t even fathom. We’ve also seen some wild and crazy shit so it’s kind of a fun joke between us when people we meet are like “I have a crazy story to tell you…” and then it’s really not crazy compared to some of the stuff we’ve seen. It’s always been this secret between us that we can laugh about to each other.
Q: We all know relationships are not always rainbows and butterflies, has there ever been a time where you thought non-monogamy was a mistake? how did you get through it?
Emma: I never thought non-monogamy was a mistake. There have been times in our lives that we have closed off our relationship and taken a break, mostly because something else is going on that was the priority. It has not always been easy, but both of us feel like our lives would not be complete if we were monogamous and neither of us wants that for the other person. So if we have to close off our relationship for a bit that’s ok, but we always circle back and figure out how to open it up again when the time is right.
Fin: I don’t think there has been a time where we thought it [swinging/ the open relationship] was a mistake. For us, it’s never been our entire life and so if life gets crazy we just put it on the backburner. We’ve gone months or years at a time without doing anything in the non-monogamy space. When life settles down, we ramp it back up. For us, it’s been important to keep it fluid and let it come and go as needed. We aren’t always on the same page in terms of interest level at any given time but that’s natural just like as in any aspect of life.
Emma (left) and Fin (right) prefer to remain anonymous.
Q: It’s amazing that the two of you have such a long history with each other through this journey, but do you have any advice for those who may be exploring non-monogamy on their own?
Fin: I think there is still a lot of slut-shaming around people who are exploring non-monogamy. I think it’s probably even more prevalent if you’re doing it by yourself and people just assume your goal is to have as much sex as you can (which is a valid goal by the way). It’s important to remember there is an ethical way to do it and there are a lot of people who probably won’t get it, but as long as you’re doing it in a respectful way, there’s nothing wrong with it. On the flip-side, there are some amazingly supportive [swinger, poly and/or non-monogamous] communities out there and when you find them it can change your life. Don’t let it get you down if it takes a while to find your groove and don’t be afraid to change grooves and explore new ones.
Q: What inspired you to start the podcast – was there an ‘AHA’ moment?
Emma & Fin: There are too many reasons to list and this answer could get super long so we will keep it brief. We love helping people, meeting people, and hearing their life stories. We also knew that many of the things we learned over our 10+ years exploring non-monogamy came from conversations with other people. We’d pick up tidbits from everyone we met and we figured if we could share as many stories as possible that we could help expedite the learning process for others who are on the same journey. We’d also love to see non-monogamy become more mainstream. We realize it’s not for everyone but we would safely bet that there isn’t a single person who doesn’t have a friend or two who has explored it in some fashion, whether they know it or not. It’s far more common than people think and we’re on a mission to prove it. We also love destroying stereotypes and giving a voice to people who don’t have a platform. The more stories we can tell, the more people we can help!
Q: What is one of the most surprising or shocking things you’ve discovered since starting your podcast?
Emma: There are so many incredible people out there in non-monogamous relationships! We always knew this, but it has been reinforced as we have met and had conversations with people. We feel like we have a responsibility to get anyone’s story out there that wants to share it.
Fin: Probably people’s willingness and eagerness to share their stories. We hoped it would be the case when we started but we didn’t know for sure. Within a few weeks of starting the show we already had people reaching out to share their stories. It’s been amazing and we have met some incredible friends.
Q: You just recently released episode 61 – wow! How has the response been so far?
Emma & Fin: Meh. It’s been alright. 🙂 It’s really been one of the most amazing things we’ve ever done. The people who have reached out to help us or share their stories, whether it’s on the podcast or behind the scenes in an email, have been incredible. It’s rare when you have a vision and it goes better than you could have ever dreamed.
Q: We know it’s like asking you to choose between your children, but do you have a favorite interview or episode you’ve done?
Emma: All of them have been incredible, however, I distinctly remember that after we finished the interview with Christopher Smith (episode 48), I looked at Fin and said “I just want to shout this from the mountains”. We are both inspired by everyone we talk to and can’t wait to share the stories with as many people as we can. We feel like there is so much for everyone to learn by listening to all these stories from a relationship aspect in general, whether you’re monogamous or non-monogamous.
Fin: I do love them all and I don’t want to discourage anyone from reaching out. I will say that I love any story that helps destroy a stereotype or preconceived idea. Those are the ones that force people to stop and think for a second rather than just nodding along. We have a few where people have gotten into non-monogamy because of an affair. To me, it’s amazing when a couple can harness what most people consider a relationship ending offense and turn it into a positive.
Q: How do you balance marriage and a podcast together?
Emma: We do the podcast together and it has been an amazing journey. I do not feel like the podcast has taken anything away from our marriage, instead it has enhanced it. We’re learning how to work together on a big project that we both care a lot about. It’s been a fun adventure!
Fin: It has really made our relationship stronger. We get to sit down together a few times per week and have amazing conversations with open-minded people who open our minds further and push our boundaries…
Q: You have been together quite some time, what are some ways you keep the spark?
Emma: Adventure. We view life as one big adventure and non-monogamy is a part of it. We both have a deep love for each other but also sharing and having experiences with other people adds to our relationship and keeps us closer than I think we would be otherwise.
Fin: Push your partner outside of their comfort zone in all aspects of life. That’s where the growth and sparks happen.
Q:We have to ask, what do you wear when getting frisky? What are some of your favorite things to wear (or see another person wear) to spice it up?
Emma: My favorite thing to wear when getting frisky is sexy underwear – usually some sort of lacey boyshorts or thong which I know Fin likes. It’s also fun to get more dressed up with additional lingerie to spice it up (some of my favorites are fishnet stockings and heels). On a guy I love seeing a sexy pair of boxer briefs and a form fitting T-shirt.
Fin: Definitely merino wool socks. I don’t like it when my feet are cold. Usually brown so they aren’t obnoxious. I’ll also usually wear a pair of nice boxer briefs to draw their eyes off my socks. What’s sexy to see a lady wear? For me, I am a fan of anything form fitting and probably solid-ish colors. I am a pretty boring person when it comes to these things but I like the person to be comfortable and feel sexy. I’m also not that picky if a woman decides she wants to be in her underwear around me, I usually don’t complain.
About Normalizing Non-Monogamy Podcast
Every week, Emma & Fin interview exciting and incredible people from all across the non-monogamy spectrum. They talk with people in the swinging and polyamorous communities who are straight, gay, bisexual, trans, and everywhere in between. Hear all the dirty secrets, salacious stories, and unique strategies from swingers to poly folks – it’s quite the learning experience! Whether you are just beginning to explore or are a seasoned vet their interviews are a valuable resource. So, tune into the Normalizing Non-monogamy Podcast for a laugh and maybe you’ll even learn something!
Want to share your story?
Emma & Fin are actively seeking non-monogamous people and couples to interview for their podcast. If you are a swinger, polyamorous, or in another other form of non-monogamous relationship we encourage you to share your story. You can contact Emma & Fin through their website here.
So, you know a couple people who are swinging and into “the Lifestyle”. And you’ve heard about this thing called “polyamory” or “non-monogamy”. Maybe you’ve even done some digging to figure out what it is. Now after a little bit of soul searching, you’ve decided that it’s something you want to try. There’s just one thing. You’re not single, you’re in a relationship already. Broaching this subject can bring up a lot of feelings for the both of you. So how do you approach discussing your interest in non-monogamy with your partner?
Introducing the Difficult
This formula was put together by Reid Mihalko and I use it often with my clients (or I will create a variation from it that applies to their specific situation). There are three parts to the difficult conversation formula you need to put together on your own before you make the approach.
1. What I’m trying to tell you is . . .
First fill in, “What
I’m trying to tell you is…” In this case, you’re trying to share that you
are interested in non-monogamy and would like to know how your partner feels
about that, or if they are also interested in exploring that topic with you.
Make sure to find what your intention truly is and put it in your own words.
After all, they’re your partner, not mine.
2. What I’m afraid might happen . . .
Second, answer “what
I’m afraid might happen if I tell you is…” There’s a reason, or likely
several, why you have been holding back from having this conversation. Be
honest. Take the time to be vulnerable. One of the cornerstones of committed
relationships is being able to be vulnerable with one another.
3. What I’d like to have happen . . .
Finally, answer “What
I’d like to have happen by saying this is…” Here is where we find hope and
motivation. What’s the best-case scenario? On the most fundamental level all
difficult conversations are about being seen, being understood or understanding
one another, and growth. For you it may be that you would like your partner to
see that this in no way negates your commitment to them, or that they may see
this a way for you to both grow. Again, you are sharing your truth so make sure
to put it in your words.
Putting it all
Now for actually making the approach. Begin by asking your partner if they have the emotional bandwidth for a difficult conversation. If yes, proceed. If no, schedule some time to have that talk. Once you have the go ahead, begin by letting them know that there is something that you have been wanting to talk to them about. Then, use your responses to the second question to let them know why you’ve been afraid to talk about this. Follow that up with your response to the third question to let them know what you are hoping their response will be like. Finally let them know what you have been wanting to talk about.
Once you have finished, make sure to thank your partner for
listening and ask if they have anything to share in response.
Special Considerations for Non-Monogamy Intentions
For the sake of this article I have assumed that you aren’t
interested in opening up for the wrong reasons. While there is no one right
reason to engage in non-monogamy, there are several wrong reasons and I’d like
to rule out one in particular.
I think the most common mistake may be thinking that opening up a relationship can fix problems that a relationship already has. Non-monogamy is not a salve for relationship troubles. According to Dr. Elizabeth Sheff, who has done multi-year long research studies on polyamory in families and relationships, while a few people may have saved their marriages with polyamory, it is extremely rare. Polyamory, and non-monogamy in general, has a tendency to exacerbate and bring out any troubles that already exist in relationships. It’s like clicking the fast-forward button on your relationship. You probably would have dealt with these issues 10 years from now, but instead you get to deal with them all in the first year of your relationship. Hurray!
Your Partner’s Reactions
If you have been researching this for a while, remember that
your feelings about non-monogamy are not new and your knowledge about it is
likely to be much greater than your partner’s. As a result, your partner’s
reaction might be much stronger than you expected. That’s because for them,
this is coming out of the blue. They may also have a lot of negative (or toxic)
ideas about how relationships “ought” to be, and that if you want to explore
something outside of your own relationship, there must be something wrong
inside it. The most important thing is to assure them that this is not about
them. Your interest in exploring this is about your own growth and not a
response to them doing something wrong. Also, that it is not about something
being wrong with the relationship.
Be prepared to hear some bad news. You might find out that
your partner actually does have some
problem with the relationship you are in, or that something you did has made
them lose trust in you (Remember how I told you polyamory is like clicking
fast-forward on your relationship troubles?). You wrote down your fears for a
reason, and even the most well-crafted and well-delivered messages can be
received in ways completely unrelated to your intentions. This isn’t exclusive
to non-monogamy in any form. Any difficult conversation can be a test of your
What’s next? Don’t Rush
Let’s say that your conversation does go well, what’s next? Don’t rush things. You won’t be going on dates tomorrow. There is a lot more for both of you to learn and work through before actively engaging in non-monogamy. Depending on where you begin, it might be a couple of months until you are ready, or as much as a year before you are ready. If you are in this relationship for the long haul, then that time invested is a drop in the bucket. And even if you end up finding out non-monogamy isn’t right for you, the skills required for exploring diverse relationship structures are a huge boost to any relationship.
A Note On Terms:
Non-Monogamy, Polyamory and Swinging
Various forms of non-monogamy have been discussed media
lately. More specifically you probably heard about polyamory, swinging, or open
relationships. While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging* (and there
are countless other arrangements if you really like labels) are all different
forms of non-monogamy they all have one thing in common.
All forms of non-monogamy (the umbrella term) change out our
societal default idea of a romantic and sexual relationship being limited to
only two people, for one where more than two people can be involved. Putting it
that way may make it sound simple, but the impact of questioning something that
a person has never even considered possible to question can be revolutionary.
It is also destabilizing, which can be scary to navigate.
* Polyamory and swinging are particularly different as the communities that have formed around them have very different core values.
About Sex Coach Lex
Coach Lex is the founder of SCL Coaching and Consulting, LLC. He is a WASC certified sex coach who specializes in sexual communication in order to create a world where people can speak about sex as comfortably as they speak about breakfast. His work includes individuals, couples, and the polyamorous community, as well as the LGBT and kink communities (GSRD groups). Lex facilitates groups, workshops, and works with clients worldwide.
Coach Lex publishes a weekly blog on his website sexcoachlex.com known as The Bad Sex Advice Blog, where he deconstructs bad sex advice and sex myths, explains what makes them bad, and what you can do instead.
We know this may not be the easiest discussion to have with a partner, or anyone for that matter. Submit your question about polyamory, swinging or open relationships in the comments below. For privacy, feel free comment under an alias name.
For anyone exploring the swinging lifestyle, we have put together a list of podcasts created by people who are experts in “the Lifestyle”. Whether you just want to get your feet wet or take a deep dive, there are hundreds of episodes on this list and at least one that is sure to satisfy your curiosities.
If you didn’t see our recent relationship terms primer, we recommend brushing up on the basic terms that you’ll likely hear a lot of throughout these podcasts.
Plug in your earbuds and hit play for some utterly entertaining talks on swinging, polyamory, non-monogamy, and the lifestyle . . .
The List: 23 Best Swing Lifestyle Podcasts
Average Swingers – J and Angie are just your Average Swingers, discussing their lifestyle adventures.
Bed Hoppers – A podcast all about the journey and adventures in the swinging lifestyle in the UK.
Casual Swinger – Join Mickey & Mallory as they share their journey through “the lifestyle” and exploring the world of alternative relationships all while being normal humans with jobs, dogs & kids.
Life on the Swingset – Life on the Swingset the Podcast is a podcast covering a variety of topics from swinging to polyamory to ethical non-monogamy in a fun and entertaining way.
Loving without Boundaries – Hear interviews, lessons and insights on the subjects of polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. They seek to promote healthy relationships, tolerance and understanding – whether you are already living a life of ethical non-monogamy or are among the curious.
Multiamory – Conventional relationship advice is toxic and outdated. We offer new ideas and advice for multiple forms of love: everything from conscious monogamy to ethical polyamory and radical relationship anarchy
Nerds who Swing – A Swinger Lifestyle podcast hosted by the sexy Margo & Miller.
Normalizing Non-Monogamy – Two 30 somethings, Emma and Fin, exploring non-monogamy together for over a decade. Each week they interview people to hear their approach to non-monogamy, what it means to them, and how it has strengthened and shaped their lives. Out of Pittsburgh, PA. Read our full ask-me-anything interview on swinging, polyamory and more here . . .
Our naughty Escapades – Ben and Jen have been married for 26 years and in the lifestyle for about 8 years. At first, they just wanted to enhance their sex life but soon they discovered the lifestyle helped them grow stronger as a couple in other areas of life.
Polyamory Weekly – Minx and her listeners discuss loving more and polyamory. In this community-driven show, each week Minx talks sex, relationships, communication, family, erotica, psychology, orgasms and anything else that comes up in the ins and outs of the daily polyamorous lifestyle.
Sapphic Swingers – Listen to the swinging adventures of a married lesbian couple
Sex on the Counter – Join the hosts as they drink tasty brews, talk all things “lifestyle”, sex and marriage with a few great laughs & stories along the way.
Sex Uninterrupted – Join the 30-something couple Taara & James as they tell you everything you wanted to know about the swinger lifestyle & Non-monogamy. Broadcasting from Alberta, Canada.
Sex with Dr. Jess – Dr. Jess hosted PlayboyTV’s hit series Swing and her podcast touches on everything from healthy communication and the psychology of sex to orgies and opening up relationships. Co-hosted by her husband, Brandon Ware, the duo interview psychologists, comedians, therapists and porn stars — all in the name of providing science-based sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.
Sharing is caring – Kiwi and Cherie, a New Zealand and French couple living in London in an open relationship exploring the swinging lifestyle, sex positivity and ethical non-monogamy.
Spiritual Swingers – Meet Adam and Eve . . . the Spiritual Swingers. An early 40’s couple, together since high school, navigating the swinging lifestyle and exploring the intersection of Spirituality, Science, and Sexuality.Swinger Diaries – Penn and Paige are a mid-forties swinging couple living in the midwest. We have been in the swinging lifestyle since 2010 and host a podcast that seeks to inform, educate and expose people to the joys and benefits of swinging and to record a journal of a few of our sexy experiences.
Swinging Along – A married couple living a not so “normal” sex life full of kinkiness and adventure. Sharing their stories and answering your questions on all things sex and relationships.
Torrid Souls – Exploring the sexually social and adventurous swinging lifestyle as lovers and parents.
Two or More to Tango – Meet your normal next door neighbors, very happily married for a LONG time, who accidentally stumbled into the swinging lifestyle! They share their adventures as they explore the sometimes unpredictable lifestyle, sharing the ups and downs, and everything in between.
The Unicorn Report – The sexy adventures of a single bisexual woman in the lifestyle. Thank you Snuggly Dave for the write-in suggestion. (Single bi women are called “unicorns” as they are hard to find, i.e. rare mythical creatures.)
We Gotta Thing – A long time married couple chronicling their personal adventures and share sex positive discussions while they navigate their way through the swinging lifestyle.
At [ENCLOSED] we are on a mission to help the gift-giver demonstrate his or her adoration for the woman they love. Serving 17,000+ customers in 19+ countries, [ENCLOSED] sends out thousands of lingerie gifts every month from its San Francisco headquarters. Sourcing lingerie from the finest lingerie designers world-wide, we help gift-givers express their love and desire with a truly romantic, memorable gift experience like no other.
Disclaimers & Such
We have not reviewed or listened to every episode of every podcast on this list and the views and opinions expressed on these shows do not necessarily reflect our own. When we say “best swinging lifestyle podcasts” we are really saying these are the biggest ones that we have found. The list is alphabetical, not ranked, to reflect this. All content is intended for adults 21+.
Suggest a Podcast
Do you think we’ve missed a great podcast? Send us your recommendations and links to the podcast(s) in the comments section below. For your privacy, you may use an alias name when commenting.
“Is [ENCLOSED] mostly men sending kinky gifts to their mistresses?”
The simple answer is . . . sometimes. But the more robust answer is, the diversity of Enclosed customers is wonderfully broad. The majority of our customers are straight men sending gifts to their wives or girlfriends, but as we’ve learned from our customers, there are many other manifestations of love. From the polyamorous to the kinksters, swingers to downright vanillas, many groups have embraced [ENCLOSED]’s message of sex-positive luxury lingerie gifting.
We don’t claim to be experts on all the types of relationships we mention here. But we do celebrate love, romance and sex amongst consenting adults. Sexuality is part of the human experience and it’s our hope to create an environment that is non-judgmental, balanced, and open-minded. Therefore, in an effort to start a sex-positive conversation with and better serve our customers, we’ve boned-up(!) on the overlapping worlds of swing, poly and kink. Here’s our starting point; a work-in-progress primer.
To start any clear conversation, it’s helpful to clarify the terms.
24/7 – An agreement whereby there is consensual power exchange full time; 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Abundant Love – The concept that love is not finite therefore it is possible to love more than one person at the same time. As defined by polyamorous author, Franklin Veaux.
Alternative Sexuality – An umbrella term for non-traditional sexual orientation, non-monogamy, gender and sexual expression such as kink or BDSM.
BDSM– An abbreviation containing within it three unique acronyms: B&D which stands for Bondage & Discipline, D/s which stands for Dominance & submission, and S&M or Sadism and Masochism. Together, BDSM represents a full spectrum of sexual activities and relationship models. As explained by Stefani Goerlich, LMSW.
Bi-Curious – A man or woman who is interested in trying same-sex activities.
Bipoly – Refers to a person who is polyamorous and bisexual
Bisexual – Interested in both sexes. The terms “versatile” and “AC/DC” are also used in this same way.
Casual Sex – Sexual activity that takes places outside a romantic relationship and implies an absence of commitment, emotional attachment, or familiarity between sexual partners (i.e. The one-night stand).
CBT– Refers to cock and ball torture.
Closed Swinging – This is where partners swap, but have sexual intercourse in separate rooms.
Compersion – The opposite of jealousy. The act of having a good feeling when one’s partner enjoys sex/ desire with another partner. The term was coined by Kerista Commune.
Consensual Nonmonogamy – An umbrella term for polyamory, open relationships, swinging and other consensual non-monogamous relationships. See ethical nonmonogamy.
Cuckolding – This term can be used several different ways. Historically it referred to the husband of a wife who cheats, and often carried some fairly racist connotations. Now it can indicate a husband whose wife plays without him then comes home to tell him about it. It can also mean a husband who wants to or is forced to watch his wife play with others- sometimes while being told how much better the other man is at pleasing his wife than he is.
Daddy Dom/Mommy Dom – A Dominant whose dominance comes out through paternal/maternal expressions. Sometimes referred to as a “Gentle Dom/me.”
Discipline – These are disciplinary actions which arouse the sexual desires by controlling the behavior. Often involving rules, restrictions (of behavior or movement), and other limitations imposed by one partner on another; it can also include consequences up to and including physical punishment when these are not followed. As explained by Stefani Goerlich, LMSW.
Dominant – A person who exercises control and authority over their partner. Contrast with submissive.
DP – Stands for double penetration.
Edge Play – Any practice which challenges the limits or boundaries (emotionally, physically, and/or psychologically) of one or more of the participants. Can also refer to sexual activity involving actual sharp edges such as blades or sharp objects. From The Submissive Guide.
Ellis – A code name used to identify other swingers. Ellis stands for L.S. or Lifestyle. Thus, “Are you a friend of Ellis?” can be used to identify a member of the lifestyle without compromising confidentiality.
Enthusiastic Consent – All parties involved don’t just say yes to consent but say, “hell yes” i.e. with enthusiasm.
Ethical- Polyamory or Ethical Non-Monogamy – A form of non-monogamy in which every person involved understands and has agreed to non-monogamy. As explained by Sex Educator, Angel Kalafatis.
Figging – Placing a piece of raw, peeled ginger into someone’s anus and/or vagina. This creates a warm, burning sensation that some people find erotic and/ or painful. Also called gingering.
Generous – One code used to indicate when someone is willing to exchange money for sex.
Hanky Code – A traditional form of signaling what your sexual preferences and interests are, typically used among gay men. See the meaning of all the different color codes here.
Hard Swap or full swap – A situation in which two or more couples are free to enjoy nearly all types of sexual activities with other couples, including penetrative sex. From (a source we love), Kinkly.
Hard Swing – A swing party where sexual interaction is assumed and expected.
Impact Play – Refers to hitting or spanking a partner’s body, either with the hand or with an implement such as wooden spoon, crop, or flogger.
Kink – A broad umbrella term for people with a fetish or fetishes that are perceived as abnormal to the public. Dr. Liz Powell, a kink-friendly sex therapist says, “Kink is used as a larger term to indicate anything that is not sort of run of the mill interaction,” This can include a huge range of practices from biting, bondage, BDSM, spanking, cuckolding. The kink communities have some overlap with, but are not synonymous with, polyamory.
Little Girl/Boy – A submissive whose expression takes the form of childlike tropes such as pastel colors, toys, and role playing a younger persona. This practice is entirely distinct from and has nothing to do with the sexualization of children. It focuses on submission through embracing innocence.
Love outside the box – Refers to sex positivism and polyamory or “relationships that go beyond the norm in some way, in gender, number, expression, or style.” By Dawn Davidson, of Love Outside The Box.
Masochist – Someone who derives sexual pleasure out of receiving pain, intense sensation, or emotional humiliation. Note, not all dominants identify as sadists, and not all submissive identify as masochists.
Mistress – Typically known as an extramarital lover (female), but also defined as a woman in a position of authority or control. A female Dominant may be referred to as “Mistress” by her submissive.
Monogamish – A term coined by Dan Savage to mean “not totally monogamous relationship”. Monogamish relationships assume that parties have mutual consent as opposed to non-consent which would be infidelity.
Monogamy – The state or practice of having only one sexual partner at a time.
Moresomes – A sexual encounter with more than three people.
New Paradigm Relating– “A way of loving, or a set of parameters for doing relationships” where “Love is treated as a free gift rather than as a claim.” From Vonn New’s article “New Paradigm Relationships.” Does not inherently correlate with polyamory but there is overlap.
New Relationship Energy or NRE – The passionate spark or excited state of mind that one feels from a new relationship typically involving sexual feelings and excitement. Usually lasts a few weeks to a few months after entering into the relationship.
Nonconsensual Non-Monogamy – In simple terms, cheating or adultery.
Omnisexual – To address hostility to people who self-identify as bisexual, the term omnisexual has started to become popular as a synonym for bisexual but without the negative connotations of the word. From More Than Two.
One Penis Policy – Whereby the man is allowed to have many sexual female partners, but the women may not have sex with other men.
One Vagina Policy – The One Penis Policy in reverse. Whereby the woman is allowed to have many sexual male partners, but the man may not have sex with other women.
Open Relationship or Open Marriage – An agreement that each partner can have sex with other people, under various conditions and with specific limitations. According to sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman.
Open Swinging – This kind of swinging allows partners to swap and have sexual intercourse in the same room, or bed.
Orgasm Control – A technique where you build yourself (or your partner) up to the point of orgasm without climaxing, then you stop. Sometimes also called ‘edging’ but not the same as ‘edge play’ (see definition above). From The ABCs of Kink.
Orgasm Denial – A form of Discipline and Dominance in which the receiving partner is not allowed to climax during sexual activity. This restriction may last for one encounter, be time limited (no orgasms for one week) or in some cases be a permanent relationship rule.
Orgy – A party which involves unrestrained indulgence, especially in sexual activity.
Party Clothes/ Party Clothing – Clothing intended to be worn during events such as swing parties, public dungeons, or some private poly meet-ups. This often includes robes, lingerie, or other clothing that is likely conducive to sex and erotic engagements. (And yes, we think [ENCLOSED] clandestine ultra-sexy offerings, as well as more modest lingerie and accessories, would be perfect for such a fête.)
Polyamory – Engaging in emotionally intimate relationships among multiple people that can also be sexual and/or romantic partners. Also called an open relationship or a non-monogamous relationship.
Polyandry – One woman married to multiple husbands.
Polycule – A romantic network made up of a polyamorous person’s lovers and partners. It can include several or many people. The term is a portmanteau of “polyamory” and “molecule”.
Polyfidelity – A polyamorous relationship where only in-group sex is allowed unless the group approves other additions. The term was coined by Kerista Commune, whose adherents are also considered to author the term “compersion”.
Polygamy – One (typically heterosexual) man is married to multiple wives.
RACK – Stands for “risk aware consensual kink. While not eliminating all risks, the persons involved decide how to address and manage the risks involved.
Sadist – Someone who consensually derives sexual pleasure out of inflicting intense physical sensation, up to and including pain and/or psychological or emotional distress on their partner.
Safe Word – A prearranged word serving as an unambiguous signal to end an activity, such as between a dominant and submissive sexual couple.
Sex Positive – A movement and mindset focusing on promoting and embracing sexuality, rather than shame, and avoiding ethical or moral judgments around sexuality. The terms and concept of sex-positive are generally attributed to Wilhelm Reich who also coined the phrase “the sexual revolution.”
Soft Swap – Soft swapping can range from having sex in the same room with other people, to fondling and for some couples, even oral sex with one or more people outside the couple. Once there is penetration beyond the partner, it’s considered a “full swap”. From Life On The Swing Set.
Soft Swing – Couples who only have intercourse with their own partner, but do so in the presence of others. Can also be two couples who agree to watch each other during sexual activities.
Submissive – Person who derives satisfaction by giving up control of certain aspects of their lives, behavior or bodies to a Dominant partner. From Rekink.
Sugar Baby – A person, typically younger, who enters into an agreement with a Sugar Daddy/Mama to be financial supported in exchange for sexual and emotional affection.
Sugar Daddy / Mama – A well-to-do, usually older, person who supports or spends lavishly on a typically younger mistress, girlfriend, or boyfriend.
Swingers / Swinging / “The Lifestyle” – A form of open relationship where a committed couple engages in consensual sex with other couples, singles, or groups. The swinger community often refers to itself as “The Lifestyle.”
Switch – Someone who switches between Dominant and submissive roles.
Throuples – Couples who invite a third party into their relationship.
Threesome – Three people in a sexual encounter.
Triad – Three people in an ongoing relationship of emotional and sexual involvement. Not the same as a threesome.
Unicorn – A single, generally bi-sexual female that participates in the lifestyle. Referred to as “unicorns” because they are so rare.
Sincere thanks to Stefani Goerlich, LMSW, of Bound Together Counseling, for reviewing this piece and giving valuable input. Bound Together Counseling offers client-centered, empowerment focused, affirming and inclusive counseling services from a sex-positive, feminist perspective.
Don’t be shy – we encourage you to join the conversation and provide advice or ask questions in the comments below. There is more than one interpretation of many of these terms. Tell us what works for you. What definitions do you use?
You are welcome comment under an alias name or provide your full name and links to resources and information you think might be helpful to this ongoing discussion.